


it's alright if you don't know what you need

by melislostinthestars



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s02e04 Abomination, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-21
Updated: 2012-10-21
Packaged: 2017-11-16 17:46:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/542150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melislostinthestars/pseuds/melislostinthestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tag to 2x04 Abomination. Stiles can’t sleep after the night in the pool. He’s a little bit scared and actually quite a bit angry. Neither of which are emotions conducive to sleep. So he goes looking for a target.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's alright if you don't know what you need

Stiles couldn’t sleep. Every time he laid down and closed his eyes, he was in the pool. That sensation of moving through water, that ache in his muscles. It was as though without his eyes open he had no balance, no orientation, and his limbs were fighting for his life all over again. Fighting to hold Derek’s head above water.

_“You don’t trust me. I don’t trust you.”_

He’d gotten angry. Offended at Derek’s opinion of him. The fact that he thought Stiles was only working so hard to keep him alive because he wanted Derek to fight off the Kanima for him… It made Stiles so angry.

He gave up on sleep and threw off the covers, jumping out of bed and pacing around his room. How dare Derek think that of him. There were other things Stiles could have done. If he’d truly been thinking only of his own life, he’d have just kept running and called Scott. He wouldn’t have turned back for Derek when he saw him get slashed across the back of the neck.

But he had turned back, because he knew that feeling all too well. And he didn’t know why exactly, but he didn’t want Derek to die. He couldn’t just keep running and leave him there at the mercy of the Kanima.

Not like he was forced to leave the mechanic. To lay there and watch, unable to do anything to help, as the Kamina killed him for no reason Stiles understood.

So he’d turned back, he’d come back for Derek.

_“You don’t trust me. I don’t trust you.”_

Sleep wasn’t happening. Not tonight. He was too angry now. And scared. But mostly angry. And suddenly his sleep-deprived brain decided the only way to get some peace was to settle this right now.

Stile grabbed his keys from the desk and headed out to his jeep. He had pulled out onto the road before he realized he had no idea where to find his intended target.

But driving felt better. And he was still wide awake. He found himself driving aimlessly around town, one of the few cars on the road at this hour. The dark streets felt comforting and manageable from his position up in the driver’s seat.

After a while, he realized he was avoiding the school. And the pool. As soon as he realized it, he decided to pass by it purposefully. He refused to remain subconsciously afraid of his own high school. That wouldn’t work out well for him.

His heart beat faster as he slowed down to cruise by the side of the familiar building where the pools were located. He focussed on calming himself down. Until he noticed a dark figure leaning against the wall, arms crossed. The figure looked up right at him. Derek Hale.

Stiles pulled into the parking lot and turned off the jeep. He sat there, staring at Derek for a minute, trying to remember why he was out here.

Derek gave him an irritated, questioning look from where he stood.

And all the anger came back.

Stiles jumped out of the jeep and marched over to Derek, his fears about what was on the other side of the wall forgotten.

“I came back for you. I didn’t have to. I could have run.”

Derek looked surprised.  Shocked, even, so Stiles powered on.

“I spent two and a half hours holding you up in the water. When the Kanima attacked, you pushed me back and stood in front of me. You told me to call Scott before you fell in the pool. I jumped in after you instead of running and calling. So don’t give me that crap about trust and friendship. You may not want it. But it’s there.”

Stiles was breathless now. He stood there, chest heaving, while Derek stared at him.

Derek pushed himself from the wall and took two steps forward until he was standing right in front of Stiles. “That may be true. But you’re still hiding something. Every time you’re looking at me, I can feel this overwhelming sense of guilt flowing off of you. So you may believe what you just said, but there’s still something you’re not telling me. And _that’s_ why there is no trust.”

Stiles swallowed. He couldn’t meet Derek’s burning eyes and found himself examining his shoes.

A hand came up and rested on his shoulder. Stiles looked up, taken aback. Derek met his eyes, asking for the truth. And Stiles was powerless to hold back.

“I knew how to find you. When Kate had you. I realized you’d taken Scott’s phone. I could have found you. I did, I guess. Peter made me. He realized I could and he made me and I told him where you were. But Scott found you first. We heard the howls. So I got Jackson and we made a couple Molotov cocktails and headed out to join the fight.”

Derek withdrew his hand and Stiles felt it’s absence keenly. He went on, now desperate to make Derek understand, “It wasn’t our fight. You’d chosen your uncle. I couldn’t tell Scott because I knew he’d charge in after you. He’d just been shot by the hunters and I knew it would happen again. It wasn’t about not caring whether you lived or died, it was about caring more that Scott didn’t get hurt trying to solve your problem. Not after you’d chosen Peter.”

Derek looked at him sharply.

“Yeah, that’s right. You chose him. Not us. So don’t look like the wounded one here. I did what I did to protect my family, and you did what you did because you chose yours.”

Derek sighed. “You’re right.”

“What?” That was the last thing Stiles expected to hear tonight.

Derek met his eyes again and Stiles thought he saw a spark of actual caring.

“You’re right. We’re even.”

Stiles threw up his hands. “No! This isn’t about being even. I meant what I said before. That night at your house, Jackson and I showing up, Allison’s dad. It wasn’t just about having a common enemy. None of us wanted to see any harm come to the others. I kind of saved the day that night. As far as I’m concerned, that night, I made up for not telling Scott where you were. But it’s not just about being even. It’s like we decided that night that we were on the same side. And I think maybe a little more than that.”

Derek’s eyes were questioning, and Stiles floundered. “We’re not just people with a common enemy. We’re… Scott may deny it, he may wish it weren’t true, but we’re almost… pack.”

Derek looked pensive, as though he were contemplating if it might be true, but he shook his head in disagreement. “No.”

Stiles swallowed, looking out over the parking lot.

“Scott has to choose the pack, to commit. It isn’t something that just happens. If he doesn’t want to be a part of it, then no matter how many times we work together, all we are is united against a common enemy. Pack is more than fighting together.”

Stiles looked back at him quickly, surprised at the honesty, and, in truth, surprised at the concept, really. He’d never given much thought to what werewolves did when they weren’t fighting for their lives. It seemed difficult to remember a time when the latest werewolf drama wasn’t all any of them talked about, and Derek didn’t give much indication he did anything other than brood in his spare time.

But it made sense. Stiles thought about what it must have been like when Derek had a pack, when he had a family. He must have had fun, eaten meals around a huge table, run around brawling and laughing in the back yard. Just as he and Scott had once spent their weekends staying up all night playing video games and gorging on junkfood, ribbing each other about girls and lacrosse and homework.

Stiles came back to the present and realised he and Derek had just been staring in silence.  And Derek didn’t even look too upset about it.

“What about me?” Stiles found himself asking before he’d thought it through.

Derek raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Stiles cleared his throat, committed now. “What if I wanted to join the pack?”

Derek looked completely thrown. His eyes were wide and Stiles could see him struggling to maintain the impassive expression that was his default. He opened his mouth, but looked away and closed it again without saying anything.

Stiles found himself wishing he had quit while he was ahead, and he quickly tried to brush it away. “I didn’t mean I wanted to be a wolf. And I guess that omits me anyway, right? Nevermind. Forget I said anything. I don’t know. I’m just still a little shaken I guess. And exhausted. I just need to sleep. Except I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Hm?” Stiles’ mouth had been moving so fast he didn’t know what Derek was asking.

“Why can’t you sleep?” Derek looked like he actually cared about the answer and Stiles had to take a deep breath.

“When I close my eyes it’s like I’m in the water again. It’s why I came here,” he admitted.

Derek nodded, like that made perfect sense, and Stiles felt a warmth from that understanding. It’s what gave him the courage to ask, “Do you want to… come inside with me?”

Instead of answering, Derek simply headed in the direction of the closest school doors and yanked the door open, snapping the lock, and held it open for Stiles.

Derek turned on the lights and they stood there, side by side, and stared out across the surface of the water. Once again, they weren’t saying anything. As much as Stiles liked to talk, he also knew the value of silence.

And as he and Derek stood there and breathed beside the pool, he felt like for the first time, they understood each other.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote most of this a long time ago and had forgotten about it until I was going through my files. I started reading it and it was like it was new to me. I realized I actually really liked it so I thought I'd finish and post it.
> 
> Title from the song Porcelain by Marianas Trench.


End file.
